Love Without Stress? Yes!

The author has a good perspective that marriage is not a competition and marriage should be viewed as sharing — not hoarding. Marriage is about ‘teamwork’; working together and achieving common goals. 

February is Valentine’s month, a time when popular culture compels you willy-nilly to focus more on your relationship, which may not be cruising along as smoothly as it once was. Indeed, it may even be a nagging source of tension for both of you. Here are several strategies, excerpted from my new book “400 Ways to Stop Stress Now…and Forever!” which can help you ease the chill and restore a little vitality and glow to your love life.

Put affection back into your relationship.

A small amount of affection can melt days, months, even years of tension, distance and discord between you and your partner. Take the initiative, swallow your pride and rekindle the affection you once thrived on. A reassuring hand on the shoulder, a simple kiss, a gentle hug are good places to start. Keep at it, even if it’s not immediately returned or acknowledged. In time a thaw will take hold, and warmth and intimacy likely ensue. A daily dose of affection can often soothe what words can’t.

Don’t let your marriage become a lifelong feud.

Marriage isn’t a competition to see whose ways and viewpoints ultimately win out. If you take that attitude — always trying to prove you’re right and the other is wrong — expect a life of tension and discord. Instead, welcome your partner’s input and perspective, work together to achieve goals, and know when it’s more important to back off than get your way. (How would you like to lose all the time?) View marriage as sharing — not hoarding — and your days are sure to be happier and more stress-free.

Give a gift when there’s no reason to.

Yes, it’s fun to give gifts on birthdays, holidays and anniversaries. But isn’t it more or less required, or at least expected? And aren’t we celebrating the event more than the person? Give a gift to someone when it’s NOT expected. See how really good it will make the both of you feel. The best part is, gifts of this nature can be small and inexpensive and still have a wonderful effect. Because it’s a genuine expression of friendship, love or appreciation. And it shifts the focus back to who — rather than what — is important in life. So stop off occasionally and pick up a surprise gift.

Set aside time for each other.

Are you too busy to be a husband? Wife? Lover? Relationships often get shortchanged in the hubbub of daily life. In fact, they’re usually first to get tossed aside, often to make room for the most insignificant things. That’s taking each other too much for granted. You risk letting your intimacy fade and your relationship wither. Keep both well nourished. Set aside a chunk of time each week to spend together, just the two of you. Make it inviolable, mandatory, and go out and have a good time. Strong relationships stay strong by building in essential time for each other. Why shortchange yourself?

Have more fun in bed.

So advised a popular mattress ad. And they had a point. You don’t need a study (like the one mentioned below) to tell you that a healthy sex life can reduce stress. As much as a lack of sex can aggravate it. But today, with our busy schedules and relentless ambitions, sex for many couples has become little more than an afterthought. Sometimes overlooked entirely. This is obviously unhealthy for the relationship. Which adds to even greater stress. Now, the study. According to the Royal Hospital in Edinburgh, a healthy sex life can make you look up to seven years younger, lead to greater contentment and help you sleep better. Why argue? Light the candle, draw the shades and… Why make yourself crazy?