Living Happily Ever After Like in Fairy Tales

Attitude, Beautifully imperfections, Commitment, Courtship, Happiness, Healthy Relationships, Life, Love, Marriage, Reflection, Relationship

Living Happily Ever After Like in Fairy Tales

bk
November 16, 2009

Living Happily Ever After Like in Fairy Tales

They met as five-year-old schoolchildren in 1929 and still in love after 80 years. Is this one of those fairy tales which promised ‘happily ever after?’ This is the story of Jim Hadwin and his wife Moira. They have been married for more than 61 years and despite spending their whole lives together, Jim insists they still love each other’s company. Fairy tale does come true in real life and the prince and the princess can live happily ever after.

The reality in life is the prince and the princess do argue like any couple but they also get on very well and know it would be silly to fall out over silly things. Their priority for marriage is the same – making it works.

Amy Bloom said, “Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together…” Like dancing, we need to understand that our partners are individuals with point of views which may differ from ours; a dance step or movement which feels good to us may not feel good to them. Many time we could be affecting our partners without realising it ourselves. Then we started blaming each other for making the “wrong” movements. We need to communicate clearly to each other to make the ‘dancing’ relationship in marriage works.

And marriage is definitely not the ‘end’ of a relationship. It is a lifelong commitment in the other person and the start of a lifelong courtship. There should always be new excitements; plan for little surprises which you know will bring smiles to your partner. Find time to appreciate each other’s presence and to spend time with each other, even when you have children. Continue to go out on dinner or movie dates. No, not with the children, but just the two of you. Find a babysitter or nanny if you have to. Just go on dates as a couple.

And like what Benjamin Franklin said, “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards.” We have to understand that no one is perfect in this world and we must learn to see the perfection in the imperfection of our partners.

Last but not least, I believe that we should also encourage each other to grow individually and to learn new things in life. I have always believe that even when a couple is married, the husband and wife should continue to have their own circle of friends who they can hang out with from time to time. Each should take time to take care of children and things at home and encourage his/her partner to go out with friends and to pick up new things. I believe by doing this, it will encourage personal growth. As in the poem ‘Marriage‘ by Kahlil Gibran, a united soul in two bodies.

What do you think? Should marry couple be bonded together at all time or should they have personal space? How do you keep your marriage going on year after year?

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49 thoughts on “Living Happily Ever After Like in Fairy Tales”

  1. Tracy

    Hi! Thanks for visiting me! :o) This is a very interesting, this post. I am married, soon to celebrate 10 happy years with my husband. We have a very strong partnership founded on love, friendship, respect and encouragement of personal and creative growth. We encourage each other to our best potential. We each have our time for space and growth. But we come together to grow too. It’s a great balance. It’s taken us time, but we’re riding a nice wave together. Like the variety here at your blog. Happy Days! :o)

    1. Symphony of Love Post author

      @ Tracy, I couldn’t have said it better than you. Respect and encouragement of personal growth are very important factor. We don’t try to change our partners but they are inspired to change for the better because of us; just as they’ll inspire the change in us to be better too. And I missed something important, “growing together.” Thank you for sharing your story too. 🙂

      @ Anya, thank you for dropping by. 🙂

      @ Meleah, I’m sure you’ll do great when you do get married. 🙂

      @ Pam, I totally agree with you that there must be give and take as well as total commitment in each other.

      @ Anne, compromises are important in relationship. You made a good point there, “spouse should not be required to give up on something just because the other doesn’t like it.”

      @ Tina, I agree with you that each needs to have his/her own interests. And I realise also that it really depends on the couple. I have seen couple who just stick to each other every moment. And couple who has individual personal space and social circles. Both can work out fine. It really depends on individual. The most important is that both parties must have the same perspective; if one needs personal spaces, and another just want to stick 24/7 together, then they will sure have challenging times ahead.

      I love that poem by Gibran too. The first time I read it, it resonated with my thoughts about couple and marriage. The focus on solutions is very important. Blaming each other doesn’t make sense at all.

      @ Jannie, congrats on the coming 18 years! I am really happy when I go to different blogs and I see fellow bloggers celebrating their 10 years, 15 years, 20 years of marriage.

  6. Tina T

    I couldn’t agree more that marriage is an ongoing work in progress with the emphasis on the word “work.” Of course everything in life requires that we put effort into it to get something wonderful out of it. I do think that each person needs to have some of their own interests, and I think it varies from couple to couple how much time they need to spend pursuing their own interests.

    I know couples who go on separate vacations, which seems strange to me, but they’ve been married over 40 years so I guess that it what they need and it works for them. I’m glad you mentioned the Gibran poem, I haven’t read that in years, and I had actually forgotten all about it. I’m going to go read it again. It is beautiful.
    .-= Tina T´s last blog ..Love, Lies and Body Language =-.

  8. housewife9988

    Jim also has two golden rules for any newly-married men to ensure a long and happy marriage.

    He added: ‘We have lasted so long because I was brought up to earn the money and provide for my wife.

    ‘But the important thing for any husband is to remember that once you’ve earned your money, you have to give it to your wife so she can spend it.’

    In d whole universe, there is only one JIM…
    REally a fairtale in such a world.. but Jim & Moira do not have children, right??? 80 years… it is a long222222222 time..

    & d funeral…

    (no words could describe your posts.. gave me enough emo.. )
    .-= housewife9988´s last blog ..What kind of boss you have? =-.

    1. Symphony of Love Post author

      @ Housewife9988, I’m sure their relationship is unqiue and yet I also believe that there are a lot of relationships out there that are going strong because these couples hold similar values and perspectives as Jim and Moira.

      @ Lisa, I’m with you on this. I always love to hear marriages lasting many years. You made an important point, “it’s ok for him to be different, we don’t have to be the same.”

  9. Lisa's Chaos

    I love to hear of marriages lasting many years! My husband and I get along better than most, always remember the tiffs are little things, little differences and it’s ok for him to be different, we don’t have to be the same.
    .-= Lisa’s Chaos´s last blog ..Hope =-.

  10. Leeuna

    This is wonderful advice. All marriages need work on both sides if it is to be a good and lasting one. Good marriages don’t just “happen”. Also, I really believe that each partner needs his or her own personal space. The most important aspect of any marriage or relationship is trust.
    .-= Leeuna´s last blog ..Twiddling My Brown Thumbs =-.

    1. Symphony of Love Post author

      @ Leeuna, you are absolutely right; good marriages don’t just happen, both parties need to put in the effort. Trust is also one of the key factors in good marriages.

      @ VanillaSeven, interesting … I do think that marriage is a bonding between two imperfect people in making each other a better person. Thank you for the award. 🙂

      @ Daddy Forever, I do agree with you that we need alone time to do the things which we normally would not be able to do with spouse and kids around.

      @ Jude, thank you. It is always a pleasure to visit your site too. I agree with you. It is good to see old couples who have been together for the longest time and yet still so lovingly and making each other laugh. 🙂

      @ NG, I totally agree with you. They must have worked hard to keep the flame alive. Thank you for sharing your story too. It is truly a pleasure to read about your ‘Fri’ date night and it was really sweet of your husband to keep to the date even though he was involved in entertaining clients in later part. For sure he has his priority right. Respect, Romance and communication are certainly the key to a successful marriage. Wishing you many more years of blissful marriage. 🙂

      @ Julia, congrats on the 13th wedding anniversary. I believe more will come. Sometimes, especially during bad times, we have to focus on the positive side and keep it going. I hope it’ll get better and better for you soon. May you and your family be blessed with all the goodness in life.

      @ Kim, I’m most happy to know that your parents had been happily married for 49 years. That was certainly quite an accomplishment. 🙂

  12. Daddy Forever

    Sorry if this is a dup, I got an error when I tried to submit my last two comments.

    I love having the family around all the time, but we all need a little alone time. A time when we can do things we normally can’t when the spouse and kids are around.
    .-= Daddy Forever´s last blog ..My Little Tomboy =-.

  13. Jude

    I think in any relationship you need your own space.I always enjoy stopping by to see your new posts. I think it’s great when couples can stay together for so long in most of the long relationships I’ve seen they always seem like best friends and they usually are after so many years and still laugh at each others jokes even if they’ve heard them a million times
    .-= Jude´s last blog ..Working At Lowe’s Rant =-.

  14. naturegirl

    To be married for 61 years is quite the acomplishment!
    It doesn’t just happen ..it is obvious that this couple works on keeping the flame alive.
    I have been married to my soul mate for 42yrs. and we have always kept Fri evening as our “date” night. Even when the children were babies we always had a sitter and maintained our romance on our night. As years went on and hubby became an executive entertaining clients…never was it on our night! The formula we have and it sure takes work at times whould be respect,romance,communication. All elements MUST be there for a relationship to work.
    I count myself blessed in having found my soul mate..one who walks this journey with cancer with me cradling me.Yes it is a wonderful love affair when one has a happy full marriage for 40 50 and 60 some years!
    Great post..Be happy be peaceful be truly in love with your partner! love and light NG

  15. Julia @ Easy Eco To Go

    My husband and I just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. We got married young and have really grown up together. We have 2 boys and have had our fair share of ups and downs. But even when things have at their worst, which they recently have, and I don’t know how we could possibly make it through. I stop and think, I’d rather have a million bad days with him, then a million wonderful days with anyone else.
    .-= Julia @ Easy Eco To Go´s last blog ..There’s Nothing Better Than Fresh Picked Apples – Wordless Wednesday =-.

  16. laketrees

    wonderful post!!!
    and wonderful advice and quotes 🙂
    my parents were married for 49 years,
    my Father passed away the year of their 50th anniversary…
    I believe my Mum and Dad are united souls in one body 🙂
    .-= laketrees´s last blog .."Small is the number .. =-.

    1. Symphony of Love Post author

      @ Eric, thank you for sharing your own experience too. I believe it is the strong love for each other that keeps the marriage going on year after year. And most of you mentioned that you wouldn’t trade it for anything. 🙂

      @ Grace, thank you for dropping by. 🙂

      @ Julia, I believe both of you must have enjoyed a strong bond that keeps both of you going through the challenging times. Both of you are truly an inspiration for all of us. Thank you for sharing.

  19. Julia Smith

    My husband and I are 17 years into our marriage and cherish it every moment. He has bipolar disorder, and we are in the 5% of bipolar marriages that make it. The challenges that regular couples face are even steeper when bipolar kicks in. But when both partners are truly in it for keeps, everything that happens – the fantastic and the horrible, the easy and the insane – everything is just a part of every day together. We take nothing for granted and enjoy whatever we’ve got.
    .-= Julia Smith´s last blog ..Thursday Thirteen – 133 – 13 Random Shots From 2009 =-.

  20. Canine Crusader

    I’ve been a widow of an 8 yr marriage, had a failed 10 yr long-term relationship, and next month I’ll be re-married 5 years. I’m getting old! All of my relationships were different, but I’ve always needed my space, they did too. Just a little time away for the day or doing something without each other. I think it’s healthy to spend time apart, gives you something to talk about at the end of the day. Now, we just get through the week – work, dinner, the dogs, a little relaxing in the evenings. He may be in one room, while I’m in another. On the weekends we spend more time together, shop, go to dinner (a nice dinner last weekend), rent a movie, spend time in the hot tub, enjoying each other. You can have personal space and still have a deep love for one another. I’ve known couples that are attached to each others hip, or if not, wondering where the other is, or calling them every hour. IMO that can’t be healthy in the long run unless that’s what they both want from each other. And that’s not always the case! These are the kind of stories that give married and singles hope for successful relationships. I truly believe if I hadn’t lost my first husband I would be talking from the perspective of a 29 year marriage.
    .-= Canine Crusader´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.

    1. Symphony of Love Post author

      @ Canine, I agree with you to a large extent. I believe that a little time away from each other is healthy too and yet this depends on individual; some people will really prefer to be together at all time. And I feel that this can be healthy too as long as both parties need and want to be together at all time. I hope that story like this can really give hope to singles and married couple for a successful relationship.

  21. Sara Chapman in Seattle, USA

    Say I love you every day, and mean it. If there is a problem, solve it before bedtime. Don’t spend time angry or resentful, but be in harmony all the time so that will be the easy way to go, and being unhappy will feel unusual and uncomfortable instead of familiar. Use laughter to defuse difficult times, kind humor that will turn things around. And be sure every difficult intereaction is resolved with both feeling OK. No simmering resentments to eat at you.
    .-= Sara Chapman in Seattle, USA´s last blog ..More chandeliers =-.

    1. Symphony of Love Post author

      @ Sara, saying I love You and meaning what one say can be very powerful. And you are right, there are many who said it before that we should not sleep on our problems. And yet there is a group which believe that if we are too heated at the moment, we need to ‘step out’ first or we may say something we will regret in the heated moment. I totally agree with you that we must not spend time being angry or in resentment. These are negative energy that not only take a strain on us but can also affect the people around us too. Laughter can be a good way to break the tension that is built up and change the situation. Thank you for your wise advices.

    1. Symphony of Love Post author

      @ Erica, yes I agree with you. It really depends on the couple. Some couples just like to stick together at all time and as long as they feel comfortable, it is perfectly alright. Thus, there is no right formula as in whether they should be bonded together at all time or should they have personal space. I really feel bad about those couples who have to stay apart because of their work.

      @ FishHawk, thank you very much for featuring Symphony of Love as this week one of the Sites to See. I really appreciate your kind act although I have left EC since October. Many thanks and have a great weekend ahead.

      @ AL, I agree too that every married couple should have their own circle of friends to hang out with. It makes life a little more exciting. You made a great point; communication and sense of humor are some of the factors that can make a happy marriage.

      @ Lareine, it is certainly challenging to keep a healthy relationship as there will be slight differences in most case and I believe these are what made a relationship interesting too. As you said, “the joy of discovering and understanding the ‘mystery’ of our partner.” The point you mentioned about balance is very important. While we need to spend time together, we also need to spend time individually. We have to strike a balance where we are not neglecting our partner and at the same time satisfying our individual needs.

  24. AL

    Hi and thanks for the visit. I believe that every married couple should have their own circle of friends to hang out with. Staying close or bonded always will just make their marriage life boring, there should be a little space between each other, in that way they can still miss each other’s company. Communication and sense of humor are some of the factors that can make a happy marriage.
    .-= AL´s last blog ..Skywatch Friday – Sugar Beach Sunset =-.

  25. Lareine

    this is so true! and a very well-wriiten post:). keeping a healthy relationship is not easy because no matter how “in sync” we are, we still have our differences. and i think this is where personal space comes in: so we can “express” our “individuality” (that part of ourselves that is unique to us and not shared by the other).

    there should be a balance between the time spent together doing the things you both like and the time to do what you like as an individual. it doesn’t have to be 50-50 (half “couple” time and half “personal time”. for me “balance” is relative, as long as the time spent together and time spent apart from the partner allows you to grow as an individual person and as a couple.

    but of course, if the time spent together is less than 50%, i think you should try to reconsider the relationship. maybe you are not with the right person because i believe that for a relationship to work, we have to share a lot of things in common. and when i say “things in common” it is the things that really matter.

    as for the differences, i think it is important in a relationship for this is what keeps us on our toes, what keeps us from taking the other for granted. and as long as the difference is not that great (especially on important issues for us), then i think this will keep the joy of discovering and understanding the “mystery” of our partner.
    .-= Lareine´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday : Dewdrops on a Spider Web =-.

  27. Kim

    Thanks for visiting me at my site on SkywatchFriday I do appreciate it much!

    I’ve been married for 5 years now to a wonderful man. The question if a couple should be bonded together or have space. I should say couples should do both. And to make the sparks going year after year, for me sense of humor is number one, say sorry when needed, affirmation and positive words to each other, a hug and kisses here and there makes the fire burning ^_^ in a relationship. Simple but yeah it works! -wink,wink-

    My Life’s Journey in Focus
    .-= Kim´s last blog ..SkywatchFriday: Sunset =-.

    1. Symphony of Love Post author

      @ Kim, I totally agree with you. You reminded me of a quotation by Ogden Nash, “To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.“

    1. Symphony of Love Post author

      @ Fishing Guy, congrats on the 48th coming up! I am really happy to read about your successful marriage. You are definitely an inspiration to others too.

      @ Sunnymama, you are most welcome. 🙂

  30. Janie of Utah

    That’s a wonderful story of lasting love. I think in the most successful marriages, the couples have things they enjoy doing together, as well as some activities and interests they pursue on their own.
    .-= Janie of Utah´s last blog ..Baum to the Spirits =-.

  31. Hui Li Annie

    A married couple ought to have their personal space. A relationship that allows no personal space is unhealthy and will probably not last.

    1. Symphony of Love Post author

      @ Annie, I agree with you as I personally believe that even married couple should have their personal space where they can pursue their interests individually. However, I do know that this really depends on the couple also as some prefer to be together at all time.

  32. Fatima Da

    Love this quote will tell it to my children “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards.” I remember then mother told me marriage is known as “university for life”.

    And I belief in bonding yet this having our own spaces and friends its worked for me.

    Thanks, you just reminded me , my anniversary
    is round the corner thats what happens when you have been married for a long time
    .-= Fatima Da´s last blog ..Joy, Happiness and Hope In One’s life – Part One =-.

  33. ONE of THE GUYS

    Life is busy with our kids. But we make time for date nights. Or more like date DAYS. Basically, we both try and I think that’s the key.

    And even though family comes first, our friendships outside of our marriage are important too. They breathe fresh air into our relationship by helping us recharge and get a break. I think that’s helped us a lot!
    .-= ONE of THE GUYS´s last blog ..Bob the Vegan: The Handyman =-.

  34. Cathy Voisard (Zpoet)

    I definately believe in loads of personal space. I think it keeps relationships alive. But I also believe in rituals…like we have one weekend night a week where it’s just the two of us for a “date night.” And we try and have dinner together every night as well.
    .-= Cathy Voisard (Zpoet)´s last blog ..Gun To My Temple =-.